What Do You Want From Me???

Do you want PERFECTION?

I'm sorry, Dad, BUT I CAN'T GIVE YOU THAT.

My brothers can drink BUT I CAN'T??

All the uncles can drink BUT I CAN'T??

You don't want me to drink at home??

You don't want me to drink outside??

You don't want me to drink at all??

I'M 22 AND I CAN'T MAKE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN???

I'm not allowed to have a few drinks with my friends??

Do you not want me to have friends at all??

Do you want me to give up my friends??

What do you want from me, Dad??

Do you want PERFECTION???

I'm sorry, Dad, BUT I CAN'T GIVE YOU THAT.

I try so damn hard to make you proud

But all you do is PUT ME DOWN.

NOT ONCE HAVE YOU EVER PICKED ME UP.

NOT ONCE.

YOU WATCH ME FALL AND YOU LEAVE ME THERE.

SOMETIMES THE GLASS IS ALMOST FULL

BUT ALL YOU SEE IS THE TINY BIT OF EMPTINESS

What do you want from me, Dad??

Do you want PERFECTION???

I'm sorry, Dad, BUT I CAN'T GIVE YOU THAT.

Do you even love me, Dad??

Do you??

Cuz you have a funny way of showing it...

by not showing it at all.

When I was younger, I promised myself that one day I would make you proud.

Maybe I should devote my life to PROVING YOU WRONG.

I AM NOT A FUCKING KID ANYMORE.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE ME???

THIS IS WHO I AM. THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE.

I'M SORRY IF THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

You only see my faults.

You only see my mistakes.

You blow things out of proportion to make me feel GUILTY.

For once in your life, Dad, just for one moment

Show me that you love me.

Give me a little praise, Dad.

Have a little faith in me, Dad.

Believe in me, for once in your life, Dad.

That's all I ask.

another survey

  1. Name: Melvinus Tabaneras Tajonus

  2. Age: 21

  3. Birthdate: March 20, 1982

  4. Hometown: Udhailiyah Forever

  5. Sign: Pisces

  6. Occupation: e-business major @ cal poly, webmaster of justbball.com...

  7. Pet Peeve: when i ask for lots of ketchup and they give me like 5 pathetic little packets.

  8. Fave foods: dad's sweet n' sour chicken, shwarmas from that sweaty turkish guy, boat with everyone and anyone...especially my boaty call. hehe

  9. Fave colors: blue

  10. Fave movie: american pie 1, 2 & 3...road trip...old school...50 first dates was the best one so far this year

  11. Fave day(s): dollar chicken mcnuggets monday, papa john special tuesdays, OC wednesdays, Friends thursdays, jalepeno cheese bagel fridays, sushi saturdays, boat sundays

  12. Fave Animals: yo mama

  13. Fave Holidays: definitely christmas...but i'm usually fat & jolly all year long.

lalala smilie
  1. Fave T.V. Shows: Friends, OC

  2. Fave Actor: Stiffler, Peter North

    yababy smilie

  3. Fave Actress: Kate Beckinsale

    yumyum smilie

  4. Sweetest Gal: melissa

  5. Fave bands/singers: babyface, 'nsync

    hide smilie
    , poison (80's baby)

  6. Best Friend: some gay guy named alan that'd let me eat over everyday

  7. Fave Hangout: dunno why but some of the best moments happen around the dinner table...doesn't really matter where...just as long as there's food

  8. Fave sport(s): bball, volleyball, i miss playing football and doing high jump...soap soccer and shower wrestling is fun too.

    gayhehe smilie

  9. Fave Thing to do: eating with friends

  10. My most embarassing moment was: the parking lot incident...lets just leave it at that...

  11. The wackiest thing I did as a kid, was: i used to sing to my food...oh wait, i still do that.

  12. Have you ever had your heart broken?: yeah...

  13. What are you wearing right now?: freeballin' in my new hawaiian board shorts

  14. What is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you?: "you're not funny."

    madfawk smilie

  15. Are you in a relationship right now? nope.

  16. Pepsi or Coke? water.

  17. Beach or Snow? beach, man!!

  18. Rainy or Sunny? sunny with a little bit of clouds and a nice breeze

  19. Square or Circle?

    uhh smilie
    well, i'm a round kinda guy so i guess i'll say circle.

  20. Dark or Bright? bright

  21. Left or Right? right. huh huh huh.

  22. have a best friend: the guy at the boat that hooks me up all the time...i answered this one already

  23. have a girl/boyfriend? nope.

  24. speak another language: english, five years of spanish and the only i got from is was "tengo dos huevos" and "el bano, por favor."

  25. drive:

    uhh smilie

  26. have a car: her name is sandy.

FRIENDS

  1. Who was the last person you talked to online? jules

  2. Who have you known the longest? alan & james, all my life.

  3. Who do you talk to online the most? probably april and alan

  4. Who do you talk to on the phone most? not really a phone person but i guess it'd be phoebe

  5. Who do you trust the most? i typically don't hold in secrets but i think i've told jules & cathy the most personal stuff

  6. Who listens to your problems? hahaha, april...and then whichever girl from saudi is online.

  7. Who do you fight with the most? the guy from del taco that's all stingy with the del scorcho sauce

  8. Who is the shyest? dunno...usually we're all pretty open about things...sometimes a little too open

  9. Who is the nicest? that guy at the boat cuz he always hooks me up

  10. Who is the sweetest? that guy at the boat cuz he always hooks me up.

    bakla smilie

  11. Who is the most outgoing? probably alan

  12. Who is the smartest? nico

54a) Who is the hottest? hmmm tough one...alan or nico...oh, did you mean girls?

54b) Who is the cutest? april...when she busts out those dimples, i'm just putty in her hands

54c) Who is the fattest?

cry smilie

54d) Who is the skinniest? phoebe

  1. Who is the ditziest? phoebe

  2. Who is the best singer? uhh darwin?

When was the last time you...

  1. ..took a shower? last night before i went to bed

  2. ..had a serious conversation? earlier last week with cathy

  3. ..went to the mall? thursday...dropped another $150 again...

  4. ..went to the movies? eurotrip and 50 first dates with the scottish roommate laddie.

  5. ..smoked weed? berkeley...

  6. ..got drunk? beer pong @ santa barbara, baby!!! johnny tsunami was there, haha

  7. What are you doing? filling out this survey

  8. Are you lonely or content? content...but dying for spring break

  9. Are you listening to music? yeah, on my kickass new ipod mini!!

More...

  1. Are you talking to anyone online? not at the moment

  2. Who is your worst enemy? isabelle cuz she makes me eat like a normal person and walk around do do healthy stuff!!

  3. Who do you cry to most often? now that i think about it, i don't really cry to anyone...i write lyrics and stuff when i'm sad like that

  4. What is your favorite perfume scent? for girls, vanilla fields. for me, polo sport.

  5. Favorite school subject? e-business

  6. Least favorite school subject? any of those boring ass GEs that have nothing to do with my major.

  7. Who will understand you the most? for perverted stuff, all of my homies. for random stuff, april.

  8. Who was the last person that broke your heart? blah

  9. Who is the love of your life? rachel stevens

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

  1. ..to disappoint you? pavel, when he forgot the sourdough on my damn famous star.

  2. ..to ask you out? phoebe, begging me to go to the PORN STORE with her.

  3. ..to make you cry? pavel, when he forgot the sourdough on my damn famous star.

  4. ..brighten up your day? cathy, when she told me that melissa and amy are coming to the reunion.

  5. ..that you thought about?

    gayhehe smilie

  6. ..you went to the movies with? ross

  7. ..you talked to on the phone? rose

  8. ..you talked to on AIM? jules

  9. ..you saw? melissa le

  10. ..ever slept outdoors? not in a while...but yeah, on my senior retreat and stuff

  11. ..cussed someone out? usually when i'm driving in LA i get road rage

  12. ..thought about suicide? yeah...

  13. ..stayed up for 24 hours? my record is 34 hours

  14. ..swam in the rain or snow? i remember the days of running around in the rain in my transformers briefs, screaming like a little girl...ah yes, i miss being 19...

  15. ..gotten drunk? hell yeah!!!

  16. ..gone a day w/out eating? hell no!!!

  17. ..talked on the phone all night? 4 hours is my record

  18. ..smoked? couple weeks ago when i had some depressing stuff to deal with...like colin's death and some other stuff...

  19. ..made prank calls? not really...i've done prank stuff on aim though, like pretending that i was a girl trying to have cybersex with one of my buddies.

  20. ..been in love? not yet

  21. ..slept all day? hahaha yeah, that one time when cathy and i slept in, ate, took a nap, ate, and then passed out again. hahahahaha

  22. ..killed someone? uhhh no

  23. ..been out of the country? saudi, kenya, amsterdamn, london...

  24. ..told a girl/guy you loved them? yes

  25. ..if yes, did you mean it? yes

  26. ..gone skinny dipping? yeah, at santa barbara i took off my board shorts while in the water and waved it over my head....some old women were not as enthusiastic about it though...

  27. ..kissed someone you didn't know? nope...but this one time i kissed sierra's mom...on accident

  28. ..thought you were going crazy? yes

  29. ..threatened someone? "fine then, i won't put out!!!"

new thing of the day

new thing of the day: tailgated a highway patrol officer and got him to change lanes.

also new thing of the day: got pulled over by a highway patrol officer for tailgating and making him change lanes...

Mel: (damnit, highway patrol)

Mel: (that's such a retarded rule, no one being allowed to pass up a highway patrol car)

Mel: (fuck this, i'm passing up this biotch)

Mel: tailgates

Cop: changes lane

Mel: (yeah, that's right...move bitch, get out da way!!)

Cop: police siren & lights

Cop: do you have any idea why i pulled you over?

Mel: sorry 'bout that, officer...

Mel: i was listening to my old 80s Rock mix and i got a little too excited...

Cop: do you have proof of insurance and registration?

Mel: yeah...

Mel: pretends to fumble around for it

Mel: ummm...is...is...is this it?

Mel: acts like never been pulled over

Cop: yeah that's it...so do you want a break or a ticket?

Mel: well...ummm...a break would be nice....

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get out of a ticket.

hello mr. gray hair...

why hello there little gray hair...how'd you get here? are there more little gray friends of yours? no?

what am i doing? oh nothing...just wanna see what you're like up close. oh relax, don't worry, i'm not gonna hurt you...i... just... wanna...

pluck

mwahahahaha!!! i lied!!!! mwahahahaaa!! wow, you're a big one!! i'm gonna have to frame you and put ya on the wall.

40 Days and 40 Nights

ok...in one hour its gonna be ash wednesday...which means to us catholics it is time to give up something for lent. i had a looong chat with april, trying to figure out what we should give up...but man, it was so damn hard. we came up with a lot of ideas but there are just some things that we can't do without.

Top 15 Failed Ideas for Lent

  • sex - too easy for me to give up...
    cry smilie
  • boat - hell no...can't live without eating at the boat.
  • burgers - fat chance. (pun intended)
  • chocolate - i might be able to pull it off...but she can't.
  • ice cream - too hard...ice cream is meant to be eaten when depressed...40 days without ice cream is depressing enough.
  • late night food runs - impossible when i'm on spring break.
  • snacking throughout the day - do you want us to die???
  • sugar - that'd just be an excuse to eat a whole lot of other bad things...and there's no way in hell i'm gonna celebrate my birthday without my double fudge cake from jack in the crack!!
  • alcohol - spring break and no alcohol?!
  • cool away messages & aim profiles - we'd get all fidgety and twitchy without it...we know you guys would too.
  • underwear - it still gets cold nowadays...
  • chatting on aim - that's like asking the sun to stop shining and the stars to stop twinkling.
  • shopping - on spring break?? and before my birthday?!?!
  • bumming around - does that mean i have to start working out??
  • tv - impossible...not with the final episodes of friends and kids sleeping with hot milfs on the OC.

in the end, we decided to give up being predictable. everyday we have to do something new & different...pretty much like Ross' new years resolution a while ago on Friends. i'm also gonna try to give up using the lord's name in vain...that's gonna be a tough one. we'll see how it goes...

fingersx smilie

Valentine's Weekend in NorCal

Cliffs notes version of what happened on our weekend roadtrip / foodrun...

Friday, February 13, 2004

originally planned to head out on the road by 10am...filipino time ended up being 12:20pm. the drive was hella long 6 hours but we kept ourselves busy with the usual singing and beat-boxing and eating. there was one moment when i was driving with my knee while eating a chocolate krispy kreme donut and sipping a coffee frappacino. yeah baby, i like to eat dangerously.