You never really know someone. You never really know what goes on inside one's head. You might know 'em...but you may never "know 'em" know 'em. The guy you passed by this morning on the way to class, what are all of his secrets?
The girl that sat next to you in the Union, minding her own business while you killed some time listening to your iPod mini on your 40 minute break between your classes...what about her? Sure, she was looking over her notes, flipping that mechanical pencil of hers between those fingers of hers...but really, what was going on her mind?
What about that guy on your buddylist. The guy that updates his away message with something completely random every moment he has the chance to...and changes his AIM Profile so damn often that you have to check on him because you don't want to miss out whatever perverted/cool/funky/funny thing that he found on the internet. So what about this guy? Do you know him? Do you really know him?
Sure you do. He's the guy that's always smiling. Always laughing. Always jolly. He's the guy that loves to make people smile and will do anything to do so. He's the guy that'll go on late night food runs to jack in the crack for his buddies in the dorms...or go on a shopping trip to all the nearby malls with the girls. Sure you know him. You know him real well.
Or maybe you have no idea.
Maybe underneath all of that there's a lot of confusion, pain & loneliness that he's hiding. Maybe he's realizing that life ain't a box of chocolates. Life never has a "happily ever after." Life just ain't fair.
Maybe a month ago he went to a drive-through ATM and found someone's bank card still in the machine, asking if you wanted another transaction. Instead of stealing all the money on the account, he took out the card, gave it to the first available bank teller and reported the card as "lost." Maybe he did it in the goodness of his heart. Maybe he did it because he strongly believes in "what goes around, comes around." Maybe one week later he leaves his bag downstairs of the Dining Commons, along with 40 other bags, only to come back 20 minutes later to find it stolen, along with his brand new books, cell phone and keys.
Maybe he's trying real hard to be optimistic...to look at the things he has as opposed to the things he doesn't. Maybe that's how he normally lives his life. But when everyone around him has found happiness in another, it just becomes a painful reminder of how lonely he is...and the fact that nobody knows.
Maybe its becoming painfully harder and harder each day. Maybe he goes over to this one girl's place down the hall to just to talk...only to find her talking to her new boyfriend. Maybe he gets bored and tries to talk to his friends online, only to find their away messages up saying "dinner with ____" and "phone with my baby." Maybe he tries to take his mind off everything by doing some work in his room, only to have his roommate and his girlfriend come in and start their little "puppy talk." Maybe he tries to mind his own business and watch tv, only to have a girl call him and ask for guy advice on her crush from MHR class.
Maybe he's so desperate for attention that he takes his once-a-crush-but-now-just-a-friend out for a bite to eat just so that for one moment...one tiny moment...he can feel like he's the only man in someone's life. Maybe he jokes around with her of how people just assume that they are boyfriend-girlfriend...when secretly he feels the slightest bit of satisfaction because for just once in his life he can walk around pretending to the world, "Yeah, she's with me." Maybe this helps him deal with the pain...maybe it makes it worse.
Maybe he's been wanting to vent out his frustrations to his favorite venting buddy since she is the one that can make him smile even in the saddest of times. After all, she's been there before and she knows exactly how it feels to be left out. But maybe she's found someone that makes her happy now, and the very last thing he wants to do is dump his negative energy on her and intrude on her newfound happiness.
Maybe that's how he is...maybe he cares more about the people around him than he cares about himself. He willingly tries to alleviate all of the negativity in his friends but never intends on venting his own negativity back. Maybe he'd feel guilty doing so...and maybe this is the kinda thing that's slowly killing him inside.
Maybe the loneliness is hopeless romance. Maybe its envy. Maybe its jealousy. Or maybe its just the yearning to feel important...to feel that he was put on this earth for a reason. Maybe its just the need to feel appreciated and to know that someone else out there actually gives a damn. Maybe all of this is just attention whoring. Or maybe its the feeling that his efforts have gone unnoticed, thus, unreciprocated. Maybe this all of these words are meaningless...something posted on the internet and passed around from xanga to xanga, email to email, messageboard to messageboard.
Or maybe this is me, Mel Tajon, and these are all of my confessions.
bag got stolen...along with more than $800 of stuff...to the fucker that has my bag, brand new books, cell phone, pda & keys: i hope you choke on a hot dog and die and a dog shits all over your grave.
Best Friend: some gay guy named alan that'd let me eat over everyday
Fave Hangout: dunno why but some of the best moments happen around the dinner table...doesn't really matter where...just as long as there's food
Fave sport(s): bball, volleyball, i miss playing football and doing high jump...soap soccer and shower wrestling is fun too.
Fave Thing to do: eating with friends
My most embarassing moment was: the parking lot incident...lets just leave it at that...
The wackiest thing I did as a kid, was: i used to sing to my food...oh wait, i still do that.
Have you ever had your heart broken?: yeah...
What are you wearing right now?: freeballin' in my new hawaiian board shorts
What is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you?: "you're not funny."
Are you in a relationship right now? nope.
Pepsi or Coke? water.
Beach or Snow? beach, man!!
Rainy or Sunny? sunny with a little bit of clouds and a nice breeze
Square or Circle? well, i'm a round kinda guy so i guess i'll say circle.
Dark or Bright? bright
Left or Right? right. huh huh huh.
have a best friend: the guy at the boat that hooks me up all the time...i answered this one already
have a girl/boyfriend? nope.
speak another language: english, five years of spanish and the only i got from is was "tengo dos huevos" and "el bano, por favor."
drive:
have a car: her name is sandy.
FRIENDS
Who was the last person you talked to online? jules
Who have you known the longest? alan & james, all my life.
Who do you talk to online the most? probably april and alan
Who do you talk to on the phone most? not really a phone person but i guess it'd be phoebe
Who do you trust the most? i typically don't hold in secrets but i think i've told jules & cathy the most personal stuff
Who listens to your problems? hahaha, april...and then whichever girl from saudi is online.
Who do you fight with the most? the guy from del taco that's all stingy with the del scorcho sauce
Who is the shyest? dunno...usually we're all pretty open about things...sometimes a little too open
Who is the nicest? that guy at the boat cuz he always hooks me up
Who is the sweetest? that guy at the boat cuz he always hooks me up.
Who is the most outgoing? probably alan
Who is the smartest? nico
54a) Who is the hottest? hmmm tough one...alan or nico...oh, did you mean girls?
54b) Who is the cutest? april...when she busts out those dimples, i'm just putty in her hands
54c) Who is the fattest?
54d) Who is the skinniest? phoebe
Who is the ditziest? phoebe
Who is the best singer? uhh darwin?
When was the last time you...
..took a shower? last night before i went to bed
..had a serious conversation? earlier last week with cathy
..went to the mall? thursday...dropped another $150 again...
..went to the movies? eurotrip and 50 first dates with the scottish roommate laddie.
..smoked weed? berkeley...
..got drunk? beer pong @ santa barbara, baby!!! johnny tsunami was there, haha
What are you doing? filling out this survey
Are you lonely or content? content...but dying for spring break
Are you listening to music? yeah, on my kickass new ipod mini!!
More...
Are you talking to anyone online? not at the moment
Who is your worst enemy? isabelle cuz she makes me eat like a normal person and walk around do do healthy stuff!!
Who do you cry to most often? now that i think about it, i don't really cry to anyone...i write lyrics and stuff when i'm sad like that
What is your favorite perfume scent? for girls, vanilla fields. for me, polo sport.
Favorite school subject? e-business
Least favorite school subject? any of those boring ass GEs that have nothing to do with my major.
Who will understand you the most? for perverted stuff, all of my homies. for random stuff, april.
Who was the last person that broke your heart? blah
Who is the love of your life? rachel stevens
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
..to disappoint you? pavel, when he forgot the sourdough on my damn famous star.
..to ask you out? phoebe, begging me to go to the PORN STORE with her.
..to make you cry? pavel, when he forgot the sourdough on my damn famous star.
..brighten up your day? cathy, when she told me that melissa and amy are coming to the reunion.
..that you thought about?
..you went to the movies with? ross
..you talked to on the phone? rose
..you talked to on AIM? jules
..you saw? melissa le
..ever slept outdoors? not in a while...but yeah, on my senior retreat and stuff
..cussed someone out? usually when i'm driving in LA i get road rage
..thought about suicide? yeah...
..stayed up for 24 hours? my record is 34 hours
..swam in the rain or snow? i remember the days of running around in the rain in my transformers briefs, screaming like a little girl...ah yes, i miss being 19...
..gotten drunk? hell yeah!!!
..gone a day w/out eating? hell no!!!
..talked on the phone all night? 4 hours is my record
..smoked? couple weeks ago when i had some depressing stuff to deal with...like colin's death and some other stuff...
..made prank calls? not really...i've done prank stuff on aim though, like pretending that i was a girl trying to have cybersex with one of my buddies.
..been in love? not yet
..slept all day? hahaha yeah, that one time when cathy and i slept in, ate, took a nap, ate, and then passed out again. hahahahaha
..killed someone? uhhh no
..been out of the country? saudi, kenya, amsterdamn, london...
..told a girl/guy you loved them? yes
..if yes, did you mean it? yes
..gone skinny dipping? yeah, at santa barbara i took off my board shorts while in the water and waved it over my head....some old women were not as enthusiastic about it though...
..kissed someone you didn't know? nope...but this one time i kissed sierra's mom...on accident
..thought you were going crazy? yes
..threatened someone? "fine then, i won't put out!!!"
ok...in one hour its gonna be ash wednesday...which means to us catholics it is time to give up something for lent. i had a looong chat with april, trying to figure out what we should give up...but man, it was so damn hard. we came up with a lot of ideas but there are just some things that we can't do without.
Top 15 Failed Ideas for Lent
sex - too easy for me to give up...
boat - hell no...can't live without eating at the boat.
burgers - fat chance. (pun intended)
chocolate - i might be able to pull it off...but she can't.
ice cream - too hard...ice cream is meant to be eaten when depressed...40 days without ice cream is depressing enough.
late night food runs - impossible when i'm on spring break.
snacking throughout the day - do you want us to die???
sugar - that'd just be an excuse to eat a whole lot of other bad things...and there's no way in hell i'm gonna celebrate my birthday without my double fudge cake from jack in the crack!!
alcohol - spring break and no alcohol?!
cool away messages & aim profiles - we'd get all fidgety and twitchy without it...we know you guys would too.
underwear - it still gets cold nowadays...
chatting on aim - that's like asking the sun to stop shining and the stars to stop twinkling.
shopping - on spring break?? and before my birthday?!?!
bumming around - does that mean i have to start working out??
tv - impossible...not with the final episodes of friends and kids sleeping with hot milfs on the OC.
in the end, we decided to give up being predictable. everyday we have to do something new & different...pretty much like Ross' new years resolution a while ago on Friends. i'm also gonna try to give up using the lord's name in vain...that's gonna be a tough one. we'll see how it goes...
