Something big came up last night and it really changed my perspective on things. I realized that yeah, I would treat certain people differently, and that no, the resentment would no longer be worth it.

Just like that, this heavy weight on my heart that I've been carrying around for the past couple months...suddenly had no reason to be there anymore.

What ever happened, happened. And whatever million questions I had on why things ended the way they did...they just don't matter.

So today, I set myself free. With just a few text messages I was able to make amends...And man, it feels so good to breathe again.

On the second day of being back home in Summer '02 -- just a few hours after getting heartbroken by this one girl I was talking to for several months -- my homeboy came up to me:

Mel, I'm really sorry the way shit went down last night with you and her"...but I've got to be honest with you: the past few weeks I've started to feel something for her...and I get the vibe that she's into me too. I'm really starting to like her, man"¦but I won't go after her if you don't want me to.

Of course I knew the rest of summer was gonna be a shitty one, having to watch them be happy together while I deal with all the pain. But with that kind of love, respect and simple heads up he gave me as a brother...I couldn't say no.

He got the girl. I dealt with the pain. They eventually broke up...but in the end, him and I grew tighter as friends.

I'll never forget that.

Back in the day, I was thinking of getting a single-worded tattoo in the form of a chinese character. Hella cliche, right?

Thankfully I've moved on passed that. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a tattoo, but it was fun putting a great deal of thought I into finding a single word that defines my life.

How do you pick one word to define your life anyway?? I can't remember how I did it...my vocab sucks. But whatever I did, it probably involved spending a lot of time searching up words on the internet. It was no easy task but I eventually came up with one word that fit nicely:

Faith.

I had three reasons for this word:

1. Faith in God because I believe He'll give me all the opportunities I'll ever need to truly be happy.
2. Faith in others because I know that I won't be able to do everything in my life by myself. And of course...
3. Faith in myself because God's not simply going to hand me everything I want on a silver platter; there are gonna be things that I will have to dig deep inside and work my ass off for. While God will give me all of the opportunities, it is up to me to make the right decisions.

But that tattoo concept of Faith was several years ago...so much has happened in my life since then.

While Faith is something that'll always keep my head up as I look towards the future, there are so many things in my life right now that I should never take for granted. And in the past, there have been so many hardships I've endured -- so many lessons learned -- that have all played a big part in shaping me to be the person I am today.

So I need a word that embraces all of that...and I think I've found it.

A single word that cherishes all of the things I've learned in the past, appreciates all of the good things in my life in the present, and keeps me optimistic as I look forward to the future. The perfect, simplest way to describe my life in just one word:

Blessed.

From Jeremy's YouTube:

In 2007, I went to Ghana in West Africa.

My life was changed ever since I met the people of Ghana. I realized that alot of us, especially in the States, take life forgranted. We are extremely blessed with abundance of food, resources, and choices.

Then I go to Ghana, and some of these villages don't have the right medicines, barely any food, and lack of many things. But what I've realized is that they have a joy inside that isn't fueled by materialism or anything of that sort. The more you have in life, the more u want, the less you need God in your life.

In Ghana, because they have soooo little, they rely and trust in God for their survival and health. FAITH. A strong faith.

I will forever be grateful for what they've taught me through their living and their lives. I wanna go back to Ghana one day and learn more and help more and put my faith in action. God is doing great things in the lives of people there!

Jeremy "Passion" Manongdo

I know what you mean, man.

When I was in the Philippines a couple years ago, we were driving around my uncle's banana plantation and I kept noticing these little shacks all over the place. Then I'd notice clothes hang-drying around them. Then I'd notice a family of five standing around one of 'em. It'd finally hit me:

This is their home.

That realization was so intense, but it totally put things in perspective for me. I thought to myself: the car I drive today is probably worth more money than what these entire families will ever see in their entire lives...

It's so easy to get caught up in material things because we've been blessed with it our whole lives. iPods, computers, internet, cell phones, cars, microwaves, fast food, running water, air conditioning...we've been blessed with these things for so long, we forget that people once lived still live without any of these things.

One thing I've started to wonder about myself: if I were completely stripped of all things familiar to me -- friends, family, technology, reputations -- what kind of man would I be? How much clearer would my world be?

Thanks for the reminder, J, on exactly how lucky we are, how some things are more important than others, and how God is always a part of our lives.

-Mel

I want to tell you a story of the best thing that ever happened to me at Cal Poly.

It's somewhere around the third week of my first quarter. I really haven't made that many friends. I'm still adjusting to the whole college life thing. You know, getting used to all of this newfound freedom that I've never had before.

So I'm coming back to the dorms from a Carl's Jr. food run with one of my roommate's, Chris. We race from the parking lot, up a couple flights of stairs and up to our room. The door is closed and locked, which was typical, but this time there is a suspicious small yellow post-it note on the door written by our third roommate.

"Doing laundry. Do not disturb. -Craig"

Chris and I both look at each other thinking "what the fuck?" We both get a chuckle out of it and then proceed to opening the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The room is dark (thank god!) but the room totally reeks of sex. I can see the shadowy figure of Craig's girlfriend on the top bunk. She's naked and she's mad.

Read More

Bros before hoes. Bitches come and go. Some of them stick around, some a lot longer than others. Some are worth it, some aren't. But whatever you do, whoever you're with, never forget your true friends -- they're the ones that'll always be around when you need 'em.

If you're in a situation where a bro might get hurt, give 'em a heads up. If you ever face a decision that could potentially hurt a bro, ask 'em about it first. Its not about asking for permission -- its about showing them respect. Its that simple little gesture that says, "I love you like a brother, and I'll do everything I can to keep you as one." It makes all the difference.

Its not just what you say, its also how you say it.

Its not just what you do, its also how you do it.

I will love you on the condition that you will love me.

I will respect you on the condition that you will respect me.

I will walk that extra mile for you on the condition that you're willing to walk that extra mile for me.

(Unconditional love only exists within family, like between a mother and a newly-born child. Blood is thicker than anything. Everything else requires reciprocation.)

If you stab me in the back, the wound eventually heals but a scar remains forever.

on the flight to new york i was flipping thru those lame Sky Mall catalogs. normally the products they sell are pretty lame but i found a few pages dedicated to those Inspirational Posters that you see around. there was this one poster in particular that caught my eye:

The Power of Attitude

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst....a spark that creates extraordinary results.

daaamn, that was deep; and its so true.

if you remember my Energy & Emotions deep thought, i talked about how positive and negative emotions are just like energy -- than can not be created nor destroyed, only converted from one form or another. if you think about it, your attitude is what determines whether outside forces are converted to positive or negative emotions.

i'm sure you can think of a few people that are pessimists. you can mention just one word to them and they could go on for hours just bitching about it.

i remember in highschool i was talking to this one girl...

Girl #2: hey, i like your shirt!!
Girl #1: thanks!!
Girl #1: (bitch...)

instead of being happy for the compliment, the girl i was talking to started bitching.

Girl #1: she's jealous of me.
Girl #1:she's supposed to say 'you look great in that shirt.'
Girl #1:the way she said it, it implies that the shirt looks good but i don't.

you see what i mean? clearly, Girl #2 was just giving a compliment but Girl #1 managed to twist the whole situation and turn it into negative feelings. crazy, eh? that's the way pessimistic people work -- everything that happens becomes personal in a negative way.

okay, so that's the pessimistic side; that's one end of the spectrum of attitude. but lets not forget that there are two sides of every spectrum. if there's someone that can always find something to bitch about, then at the opposite end of the spectrum there has to be the person that can always find the light in any situation. this person is the optimist. (duh)

you see, the optimist understands that life will have its ups and downs. the optimist understands failure and learning from mistakes. the optimist understands imperfection.

so why is it that we find so many pessimists in our lives and not enough optimists? why is it that we can easily scroll down our buddylists and find at least one person saying something negative in their profile or away message?

all it takes is changing the way we think. and when we do that, life becomes a whole lot more pleasant.

having said that, i'd like to leave you with one last quote (which is a personl favorite of mine):

Stress is not caused by others; its caused by our reaction to others.

// this is my persuasive speech for my public speaking class. its a much more elaborate version of my original Imperfection deep thought a few months ago.

A couple years ago I was having dinner with two buddies of mine. Originally we started out talking about girls and sex, you know, manly stuff. But then somehow we eventually got to talking about love & relationships; and it was one of the most deepest conversations I've ever had.

I remember my friend Chris telling me about his ex-girlfriend. He said, "I hate her so much. She put me through so much pain."

I asked him, "If you could go back in time, would you do it all over again?"

He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Yeah. Even though it hurts now, I did love her at one point. And we really did have some great times."

We kept talking about it. I started asking him questions like "What do you look for in the perfect girlfriend? And the perfect relationship?"

He said to me, "Mel, you need to stop looking for perfection; you're not gonna find it. No one's perfect. Nothing's perfect. Everything has flaws. But its these flaws that you have to deal with to make it work."

I thought about this idea of imperfection for several weeks. I finally realized that this theme of imperfection applies to so much: it applies to people in the form of flaws, to relationships in the form of heartbreaks, and to life in general, in the form of failure.

We all have our fair share of flaws, heartbreaks and failures; things we'd rather not have or rather have not experienced. But I'm here today to tell you that these imperfections are okay.

---

First, I'd like to explore the idea of imperfection in people.

When you apply imperfections to people, it comes out in the form of flaws. Let me ask you this: what if everyone in the world was perfect? And if everyone was perfect, what would seperate one guy from the next? What would make people unique? What would make your boyfriend or girlfriend more special to you than everyone else in your life?

Lets look at TV as an example. What would the TV show Friends be like without Chandler, who's insecurities cause him to make witty comebacks all the time? What would the movie American Pie be like without the bluntness and cockiness of Steve Stiffler?

You see, our flaws give us personality. It gives us diversity. Our flaws are what make us human. If we were all perfect, we'd all be the exact same.

---

The second aspect of imperfection is the idea of failure. When I think of failure, I think of what happened to me just over a year ago.

Just about a year ago, I received a letter from Cal Poly. That letter cited my 2 consecutive quarters of straight Fs. I knew it was coming but I couldn't believe it -- I was academically disqualified. I was kicked out of Cal Poly.

After reading the same letter over and over and over again -- in hopes that I was just misreading the whole situation -- my denial finally gave into reality. I had to admit it -- I was a failure.

For the next few days I'd come home and just look around at all the things I have"¦and I'd just feel guilty. I'd think to myself "a failure like me doesn't deserve any of this." It was just painful trying to think how I was gonna break the news to my dad.

I eventually decided that I would not tell me dad about it. This was my mess; this was my hole that I dug myself into and it was my job to get myself out.

And that's exactly what I did.

I talked to my advisors. I took classes @ Mt. SAC. I paid $200 a unit for classes here @ Cal Poly through the Open University program.

One year later, it all paid off -- I got back into Cal Poly. I get straight A's and B's now, I haven't ditched class in a year, and I am finally reaching the potential that my dad had been preaching about for so long.

I remember feeling so depressed when I first got that letter. But now, I almost feel proud of it, because I look back on it as the turning point in my college career. I have no regrets whatsoever.

---

And now I'd like to talk to you about imperfection and relationships.

Imperfection in relationships comes in the form of arguments and heartbreak. This topic in particular reminds me of my relationship with my dad.

My dad and I would get into pretty big fights once in a while. A little over a year and a half ago, on my 22nd birthday, I had the biggest fight with him ever. I don't want to get into what that fight was about. Instead, here's a small portion of what I wrote in my journal after that fight:

My Journal:

Do you even love me, Dad?? Do you??

Cuz you have a funny way of showing it...by not showing it at all.

When I was younger, I promised myself that one day I would make you proud.

Maybe I should devote my life to PROVING YOU WRONG.

I AM NOT A FUCKING KID ANYMORE.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE ME???

THIS IS WHO I AM.

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE.

I'M SORRY IF THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

I'll never forget how much hate I felt that day.

Fast forward about 18 months later. October 22nd, 2004. I was lying in bed when exactly at 12:55am, I got a phone call from my cousin, Rosemary. She was in tears and at a complete loss of words. When she finally managed to catch her breath, she said to me, "He's gone. My daddy's gone..."

I woke up my parents and we headed over to her place. Her dad, my beloved Uncle Rolly, had passed away to lung cancer.

Even though we all knew that day was inevitable, it was painful, nonetheless. I will NEVER forget the tears on my cousin's face as the coroners came and slowly strolled away her dad's body.

That night opened my eyes forever. I could see the love and the loss on Rosemary's face. I promised myself that I will never take my dad for granted again.

---

Its sad to think that it took the loss of a loved one for me to realize this. Bad things happen to good people; and we can't change that. Imperfections are just a part of life; all that we can do is accept it and learn from it.

So this is what I ask of you: to embrace all of the bad as well as the good. Its okay to have imperfections in your life. Know that its your flaws that give you personality and make you who you are today. Know that failure is just another opportunity to succeed. And lastly, know that heartbreaks are just a dramatic way of keeping things in perpective; it opens your eyes to important things like who you really love and who you can really count on.

Don't let imperfections hold you back.

Dance like no one's watching. Love like you'll never get hurt.

Thank you.

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

// ganked from some random guy's xanger

Chris Pinyo: mel, you need to stop looking for perfection...cuz you're not gonna find it. no one's perfect. nothing's perfect. everything has flaws...but its these flaws that you have to deal with to make it work. I'll never forget that.

This was at the Boat one late spring night...me, Chris and Augustus. We started out talking about sex, you know, like how guys typically do...but then somehow we eventually got to talking about love & relationships...and it was one of the most deep conversations I've ever had.

I remember him telling me how much he hates his ex-girlfriend now...

Chris: i hate her so much...she put me through so much pain...
Mel: ...if you could go back in time, would you do it again?
Chris: yeah...even though it hurts now, I did love her at one point...and we did have some great times.

Whoa. I never heard anyone say something like that before...probably because I was too scared to intrude on someone's love life like that.

But still...after pondering about it for the rest of the night, I realized this whole talk is more than just about relationships...it's about LIFE.

Think about it...life is full of flaws. Nothing in this world is perfect. NOTHING. Its funny, you hear Ms. Universe pagaent contestants wishing for bullshit like world peace...:rolleyes:

And this idea of imperfection applies to people too...think about it...what if everyone in this world was perfect? We'd all be Gods. And if everyone was perfect, what would seperate one guy from the next? What would make people UNIQUE??? If we were all perfect, we'd all be the same.

Our flaws are what make us HUMAN.

What would the world be like without Erol acting like a dumbass? What would the world be like without Sherwin's brash male chauvanist humor? What would the world be like without Drunken Josh making a fool of himself when he's drunk?

It'd be BORING AS FUCK.

So, after realizing all of this...realizing how imperfection is just a part of life...I realized that not only should I be thankful for all the blessings in my life...but I should be thankful for all of the flaws that make me the man that I am today.