// this is my persuasive speech for my public speaking class. its a much more elaborate version of my original Imperfection deep thought a few months ago.
A couple years ago I was having dinner with two buddies of mine. Originally we started out talking about girls and sex, you know, manly stuff. But then somehow we eventually got to talking about love & relationships; and it was one of the most deepest conversations I've ever had.
I remember my friend Chris telling me about his ex-girlfriend. He said, "I hate her so much. She put me through so much pain."
I asked him, "If you could go back in time, would you do it all over again?"
He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Yeah. Even though it hurts now, I did love her at one point. And we really did have some great times."
We kept talking about it. I started asking him questions like "What do you look for in the perfect girlfriend? And the perfect relationship?"
He said to me, "Mel, you need to stop looking for perfection; you're not gonna find it. No one's perfect. Nothing's perfect. Everything has flaws. But its these flaws that you have to deal with to make it work."
I thought about this idea of imperfection for several weeks. I finally realized that this theme of imperfection applies to so much: it applies to people in the form of flaws, to relationships in the form of heartbreaks, and to life in general, in the form of failure.
We all have our fair share of flaws, heartbreaks and failures; things we'd rather not have or rather have not experienced. But I'm here today to tell you that these imperfections are okay.
First, I'd like to explore the idea of imperfection in people.
When you apply imperfections to people, it comes out in the form of flaws. Let me ask you this: what if everyone in the world was perfect? And if everyone was perfect, what would seperate one guy from the next? What would make people unique? What would make your boyfriend or girlfriend more special to you than everyone else in your life?
Lets look at TV as an example. What would the TV show Friends be like without Chandler, who's insecurities cause him to make witty comebacks all the time? What would the movie American Pie be like without the bluntness and cockiness of Steve Stiffler?
You see, our flaws give us personality. It gives us diversity. Our flaws are what make us human. If we were all perfect, we'd all be the exact same.
The second aspect of imperfection is the idea of failure. When I think of failure, I think of what happened to me just over a year ago.
Just about a year ago, I received a letter from Cal Poly. That letter cited my 2 consecutive quarters of straight Fs. I knew it was coming but I couldn't believe it -- I was academically disqualified. I was kicked out of Cal Poly.
After reading the same letter over and over and over again -- in hopes that I was just misreading the whole situation -- my denial finally gave into reality. I had to admit it -- I was a failure.
For the next few days I'd come home and just look around at all the things I have"¦and I'd just feel guilty. I'd think to myself "a failure like me doesn't deserve any of this." It was just painful trying to think how I was gonna break the news to my dad.
I eventually decided that I would not tell me dad about it. This was my mess; this was my hole that I dug myself into and it was my job to get myself out.
And that's exactly what I did.
I talked to my advisors. I took classes @ Mt. SAC. I paid $200 a unit for classes here @ Cal Poly through the Open University program.
One year later, it all paid off -- I got back into Cal Poly. I get straight A's and B's now, I haven't ditched class in a year, and I am finally reaching the potential that my dad had been preaching about for so long.
I remember feeling so depressed when I first got that letter. But now, I almost feel proud of it, because I look back on it as the turning point in my college career. I have no regrets whatsoever.
And now I'd like to talk to you about imperfection and relationships.
Imperfection in relationships comes in the form of arguments and heartbreak. This topic in particular reminds me of my relationship with my dad.
My dad and I would get into pretty big fights once in a while. A little over a year and a half ago, on my 22nd birthday, I had the biggest fight with him ever. I don't want to get into what that fight was about. Instead, here's a small portion of what I wrote in my journal after that fight:
My Journal:
Do you even love me, Dad?? Do you??
Cuz you have a funny way of showing it...by not showing it at all.
When I was younger, I promised myself that one day I would make you proud.
Maybe I should devote my life to PROVING YOU WRONG.
I AM NOT A FUCKING KID ANYMORE.
WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE ME???
THIS IS WHO I AM.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE.
I'M SORRY IF THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
I'll never forget how much hate I felt that day.
Fast forward about 18 months later. October 22nd, 2004. I was lying in bed when exactly at 12:55am, I got a phone call from my cousin, Rosemary. She was in tears and at a complete loss of words. When she finally managed to catch her breath, she said to me, "He's gone. My daddy's gone..."
I woke up my parents and we headed over to her place. Her dad, my beloved Uncle Rolly, had passed away to lung cancer.
Even though we all knew that day was inevitable, it was painful, nonetheless. I will NEVER forget the tears on my cousin's face as the coroners came and slowly strolled away her dad's body.
That night opened my eyes forever. I could see the love and the loss on Rosemary's face. I promised myself that I will never take my dad for granted again.
Its sad to think that it took the loss of a loved one for me to realize this. Bad things happen to good people; and we can't change that. Imperfections are just a part of life; all that we can do is accept it and learn from it.
So this is what I ask of you: to embrace all of the bad as well as the good. Its okay to have imperfections in your life. Know that its your flaws that give you personality and make you who you are today. Know that failure is just another opportunity to succeed. And lastly, know that heartbreaks are just a dramatic way of keeping things in perpective; it opens your eyes to important things like who you really love and who you can really count on.
Don't let imperfections hold you back.
Dance like no one's watching. Love like you'll never get hurt.
// here's a copy of the speech i gave today for public speaking. enjoy!!
I have a friend who is a bigtime pothead. When you hang out with someone like that, you tend to have some of the wierdest conversations. Like one random night, as we were enjoying our carne asada burritos from Albertos, he had a stoner epiphany:
Stoner Epiphany:
What if we lived in a world where everyone wanted to be fat? ...where it was cool to be obese? What if you turned the channel to Real World and instead of finding guys with rock hard pecs and chiseled Abercrombie abs, they're running around with flabby guts and saggy manbreasts?!
If this was the case, then the hottest pitch in marketing wouldn't be How to Lose Weight Fast. Rather, it would be How to Gain Weight Fast.
Playing along with this idea, I did a little research as well as looked at some of my own personal experiences. This is what I came up with:
The key to gaining weight fast is influencing the stomach to get hungry and the mind to get cravings.
Today I am going to give you some tips on how to stimulate both of these.
First I'll start out with tips on influencing the stomach to get hungry.
Every meal is a race.
Your stomach, mouth and brain are all connected and it takes 20 minutes of chewing before your stomach tells your brain that you are full. With that in mind, your goal is to eat as much as you can, as fast as you can in those 20 minutes, before you brain has a chance to tell you you're full. As an added bonus, try minimizing chewing as much as possible to further deceive your brain.
Skip meals.
The first meal of the day is the meal what jump starts your metabolism. Also, eating constantly throughout the day keeps your metabolism high. If you're trying to gain weight fast, you do not want that. Instead of eating three square meals a day, try combining all three meals into one huge, massive mega-meal. Doing so will keep your metabolism down since it takes a lot of time for your stomach to digest all of the food. Also, hunger will be at an all-time high because you had the whole day to build it up.
Multitasking.
Try eating ice cream straight out of the carton while watching TV. Or try eating a bag of chips while doing homework. Or try eating a box of Krispy Kremes while driving to school. Your stomach might be full or you might not even be hungry, but multitasking will distract you from paying attention to exactly how much you are eating.
Smoke Marijuana.
Marijuana contains a chemical called THC. THC has an affect on the pituitary gland, which is the gland that regulates the hormone for hunger.
My stoner friend once described to me that when he's high, food doesn't just taste good: it feels good. He described it, and I quote, "its like a party in your mouth and everyone's invited." Basically when you're high, food feels so good that you just don't want to stop.
While it is your stomach signals hunger, it is your brain that controls your cravings. Here's a few mental tricks you can use to stimulate cravings.
Be an emotional eater.
Eat when you are happy and you want to celebrate. Eat when you are feeling down and you need something to brighten your day. Eating during emotional periods will help you build a strong, psychological association between food and your feelings.
Find inspiration...like Takeru Kobayashi.
Back in Japan he's nicknamed The Tsunami. Here in the states he is simply known as The Asian Dude that eats over 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Some of you might have heard of him. He is the 4-Time International Hot Dog Eating Champion here in the US. Also in his list of achievements is eating 17.7 lbs of cow brains which he accomplished to win the first ever nationally-televised Glutton Bowl on ABC. Although he is not fat, his eating abilities is truly something to admire.
All or nothing mentality.
When you are struggling at finishing your food, remind yourself that you are not a quitter. You are a winner. You came here to conquer. Food is your business. You eat like there is no tomorrow. You eat like there is no such thing as leftovers.
Special Occassions.
Holidays are great reasons to eat a lot. You have the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, honey glazed ham, a plump juicy pot roast"¦holidays are just a perfect time to celebrate and indulge.
And its not just holidays: its all special occasions. For example, when friends are in town visiting, you absolutely MUST show them all of your favorite places to eat and share the wonderful eating experience with them.
Now that you know some of the mental and physical tricks to assist weight gain, here's a short list of some extra tips based on my own personal experiences.
Condiments.
Because you'll be eating so fast, you rarely will have enough time to appreciate the taste of your food. This is where condiments come in. Add lots of it. Tons of it. Oodles. Your food will have more flavor, not to mention it will add extra precious calories to your meal.
Intimidation.
When eating out with other people, beat them to finish line and then taunt them. Stare at their food deeply and intently. Breathe heavily for added effect. They'll eventually cave in to your psychological games and give you the rest of their food. Trust me, it works...I do it all the freakin' time.
Slim Fast.
Slim fast is bad...but Slim fast with ice cream is really good.
Fruits and vegetables.
Forget it. Waste of space, not enough calories.
Happy hour.
Many sit-down restaurants have some sort of happy hour special. But I'm not talking about the drinks, I'm talking about the half-off appetizers. Why buy one appetizer for half the price when you can buy 4 for just twice the price??
Wear stretchy pants.
A tight waist line can greatly restrict your eating potential. Drawstrings, resizable belts and elastic waistbands are highly recommended. I you don't have such clothes, you can always just unbutton your pants to allow more room for your gut to hang out. Just be sure to button them back up when you leave the table.
Lastly, grab a partner.
Find an eating buddy that can eat just as much as you. Someone that'll push you, motivate you and spot you during your eating sessions. And if you're lucky enough to find a boyfriend or girlfriend that can eat as much as you, they're a KEEPER.
So there you have it, a little insight in what stimulates hunger & cravings, as well as 15 tips that you can easily implement into your daily life. Just follow these tips and you'll be rocking that saggy gut in no time!! Thank you.
you really scared me today. i get to the swimming pool with phoebe and karen with the plan to just swim around and relax on a beautiful sunday evening. all i wanted to do was just chill but instead i had to put up with your wierd ass.
first of all, how the fuck did you get into the pool area? this place is for college kids.
secondly, we really don't care about your weak ass cannon balls. those weren't even cannon balls!!! you were just jumping into the pool for christ's sake!! hell, you weren't even jumping!! you were just standing close to the edge talking to yourself until your clumsy ass lost balance and fell into the pool. phoebe, karen and i were talking amongst ourselves and then you had to keep interrupting us to announce your weaksauce "cannon ball." and then after the SEVENTH DAMN TIME, we tried ignoring you...and then you threw a fucking hissy fit!!!
thirdly, why must you stare into my eyes like that? why must you make grunting noises while you stare into my eyes like that?? why must you look all creepy as you slowly mouth the words "come here..." and chase me around the pool while making grunting noises and staring into my eyes like that???!
and then when you finally cornered and caught me, you jumped onto me, tightly wrapping your arms and legs around me and absolutely refusing to let me go for 5 eternally long minutes!!!
the only reason why i was playing along was because your mom was there. you might've thought that i was playfully swimming away from you in this twisted game of cat-and-mouse....but really i was swimming away from you for dear life...
well kid, wherever you are, i hope you got what you wanted...cuz that's the last time you'll ever be within 100 feet of me.
alright dude, wtf. every night when i'm working on whatever the hell i'm working on, out of nowhere i hear spanking noises. these are some pretty damn loud spanking noises too, which obviously means this is some hardcore spankage.
so i sit in my room, with my door wide open as it always is, expecting your gf to start giggling as if you guys were just playfully wrestling in the living room or something. but instead of hearing laughter...
Noises
i look outside my door. i notice the tv is not on, the living room is empty, your bedroom closed and your lights are off.
jesus man, you're killing her in there!! and no fucking shame either...not even an attempt to muffle her.
and then it gets louder...
Noises
and then just when i thought i've had enough, the loud spanks all of a sudden sound like thunderous "plops..."
Louder noises
and then...
You: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
YUCK, MAN!!! you're already putting me through enough...and then to top it off, i have to hear the most disgusting thing that a straight man could ever hear in his life -- another dude's sex grunts at climax....
aight, that's the 4th time in the past few days, dude. i mean, i'm all happy for you that you're getting a good amount of sex and all....but come on mang, i'm trying to fucking study!!!!
i've been living with you for the past year and i know that you two have been fucking around this whole time -- you asked me if i had an extra condom like the first week we moved in -- but it wasn't until recently that i could hear your little sexcapades from you bedroom....WITH YOUR DOOR CLOSED AND MY MUSIC ON.
my guess is that you're doing some kinda new position or something. whatever it is you're doing....bravo, my man. bravo. just try to take it down a couple notches, yeah?? thanks.
aight champ, its getting late and i still gotta finish my lab report. goodnight.
summer's been great so far. here's what's been happening...
Vegas!!
okay, not exactly the most wild summer trip to vegas...
Chris calls me:
Chris: yo Me: yo Chris: ...i got in an accident on the way to vegas...
so i drove up to vegas to help him out (along with his auntie and family friend). wasn't bad or anything cuz i was planning on going to vegas to visit my parents anyways.
so when i get there and i quickly realize something...chris' company doesn't really speak english... basically, the next couple days were those three speaking thai among themselves and me just nodding my head & smiling. is that what a foreign exchange student feels like?
anyways, it was still fun showing 'em around town.
"roar."
Thank you Mr. Burglar...
i'd like to take a moment to thank the fuckers that broke into my parents house and stole my mom's jewelry and shit. because of you cocksuckers my parents are planning on selling that pleasant little house...and move into a brand-spankin' new luxury condo!!!
the new place is still under construction but is set to be liveable by May of next year.
COM 100: Public Speaking
god i love summer school. its just so much more chill than the rest of the year. and even better, i have some really kick ass teachers this quarter.
the classes i'm taking are classes that i've been putting off for the past 5 years because -- public speaking, u.s. history 201 and bio lab. i hate all of those with a passion...but when you have kick ass teachers like i do, i almost wish i took these classes a long time ago.
check out my communications professor, peter lee. the first day of class he tells us how its hard to (quantitatively) measure confidence; but his special way was with toilet paper.
Beginning of Public Speaking Class:
Peter Lee: ok, i want you to tear of a piece of toilet paper. if you're confident i want you to take about 3-5 squares of toilet paper. if you're not as confident, take 6-7. if you're not confident at all, take more.
After everyone has toilet paper:
Peter Lee: okay, now that everyone has toilet paper, i want each of you to stand up and tell me about yourselves. the more toilet paper you have, the longer you talk. go!!
one of my buddies warned me he was gonna do this a couple weeks ahead of time, so i cheated and only pulled 3 squares. so what did i say about myself?
My introduction:
Mel: hey everyone, my name is mel. i'm an e-business major and i'm starting my 6th year here. Mel: i was raised in saudi arabia and....ummm... Mel: (say something, damnit, just say something!!!) Mel: i'm not wearing any underwear. Mel:
the professor was laughing hard, which was good because it just shows how laid-back he is compared to those old school, strict professors that i just hate (and fail miserably).
i think the best introduction was the asian dude that went last.
Asian Dude: hey my name is Asian Dude: i'm from Asian Dude: ...that's it. Professor: nice try. you got more toilet paper than that, keep going. Asian Dude: ummmmmmmmmm Professor: just tell us one more thing about yourself Asian Dude: Professor: i don't care, man, just tell me a lie. Asian Dude: ok, i think you're cool.
this is gonna be a fun class, i just know it.
History 201: United States History
i hate feminists. they bitch about wanting to be treated equally as men yet you never see them say anything when they get free shit for showing a little cleavage. if men have to pay to get into clubs, shouldn't women too? especially since they should be "treated equally as men" or whatever.
but there are a couple feminists that i actually really like -- isabelle from berkley and dr. lamphier, my history professor this quarter.
dr. lamphier is like a feminist version of conan or something. she just has this uncanny ability to make history fun to learn...and then she has those random tangents to keep us entertained. like the first day of class, she was explaining how the two different aspects of history is like the two different aspects of love -- the dating phase and the commitment phase.
basically, in the dating phase you hear all the things that you want to hear; all the pleasant things. in the commitment phase you get the whole truth. although the whole truth might not be as pleasant as we'd like it to be (like in the dating phase), its still important to ultimately know the whole truth.
after elaborating on that, she went off on a tangent for a bit...
Dr. Lamphier: i remember the exact moment i realized that i was in the commitment phase. Dr. Lamphier: my husband (boyfriend at the time) and i pulled over to an arco to fill up on gas. Dr. Lamphier: as he got out of the car, he rips this HUUUUUUGE fart. Dr. Lamphier: of course i'm completely disgusted but he closes the door behind him and just starts laughing. Dr. Lamphier: it was that exact moment that i realized the romantic days were over....but i still loved him.
i know i'm just gonna love this class.
My New Pet
chin says i should name it "melvin" because he eats everything. i'm not so sure about that though because my venus fly trap is bolemic or something...the picky little fucker spits up the flies i feed him.
Randoms
driving around and exploring the OC is fun.
the owner of my favorite hawaiian restaurant knows me now.
goal for summer: master the belly flop.
had my first visit to Marie Calendars
must figure out how to prevent chaffed nipples when i boogie board.
april says i should just rub vaseline on my nipples.
