How I Spent My Year 2015

Last year I wrote:

2014 was a pretty miserable year for me. I'm sure one would ever expect it. What people tend to forget is social media is just a giant online highlight reel. There’s a whole 'lotta life that happens in between posts, and for me, it was pretty shitty.

My mantra for 2015 was, "Little acts of courage." Thanks to my therapist and everyone he introduced me to, all of the crap that was weighing on my mind in 2014 slowly eased away. I can't quite say that 2015 was a good year for me, but I can say that it was definitely a better one.

For the thirteenth straight year, without fail, here is my annual survey of how I spent my year 2015.

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How I Spent My Year 2014

Four years ago, I was picking up pieces of myself off the ground. Three years after that, I focused on rebooting my career. This past year, I focused on my new puppy and myself.

2014 was a pretty miserable year for me. I'm sure one would ever expect it. What people tend to forget is social media is just a giant online highlight reel. There’s a whole 'lotta life that happens in between posts, and for me, it was pretty shitty.

For the twelfth straight year, without fail, here is my annual survey of how I spent my year 2014.

How I Spent My Year 2013

Ten years. That's how long I've been doing this annual survey thing. Ten f'ing years. I don't write much original content on this blog but if there's one blog post I can count on making each year, it's this one.

I am going do this annual blog post every year for the rest of my life.

I try really hard to give answers that'll still mean something over time. Maybe one day, a loved one or a child of mine will find a lot of value in all this, maybe even years after I've passed.

Or if nobody ever reads this, that'd be fine too. I've been keeping up with this tradition because I love taking the time to reflect on how I've grown.

In 2011, my life was in shambles. In 2012, my focus was getting my career back on track. In 2013, things finally started falling into place. It feels good.

Here's how my year 2013 went.

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Gina: One Year Later →


It's funny to me how, even at a young age, we all try to find that sense of love. Not the kind of love that you get from family or close friends, but the kind of love that people seem to have for each other in movies. The kind of love that makes you want to go out and interview every single eligible bachelor in the kingdom and see if he's the one with the right glass slipper.

Sometimes we think we find it. We lose ourselves in this world where only you two exist and nothing else seems to matter. We are young and in love and no one can stop us. You know, that kind of mentality.

But then sometimes, we lose it. And when you're 16 and you think you've found love, there's nothing more devastating than losing it. You mope and you cry wondering if there's anyone in the world that could fix you up. And after months and months of wishing and waiting you begin to think that you're a lost cause; that you're not special enough to be found and will remain lost.

It's funny how we're so fixated on finding true love at such a young age, though we fail to realize that it's not meant to be found. Rather, it's meant to be a surprise.

Two days from now, this time last year, the cosmos will have thrown me a curve ball that basically hit me in the face. Even when I think about it now, it hasn't really felt like a year, considering how long I hope that we'll be together.

He showed up and I wasn't ready for it. I had just ended something that I thought was going to last for a very long time, but it just wasn't going to happen. I was in my first year of college and was starting to feel that sense of loneliness that hits every single college freshmen at one point or another. I prayed so hard that I would find someone to make me feel less lonely, maybe even more loved.

It was like magic, or like a scene from a really bad romcom. He appeared out of thin air and I was so thrown off by his presence. Admittedly, he was a really big jerk when I first met him; a douche rocket in my terms. Yet whenever we interacted with each other, I would trip over my words and myself.

Something about him left me dazed and confused and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out what it was. I was frustrated, not only because he was making me sound stupid, but because I looked so stupid in front of him, and I couldn't figure out why.

I won't go into much detail but a few long AIM conversations and skype dates later, here we are. One year later.

Very much in love.

Looking back on everything, it's funny how I was even worried about finding "true love" at that age. How devastated I was when I thought I found it and lost it. I was foolish for thinking I could find it at that age, but it was a lesson well learned.

To everyone that's going through some kind of pain or hurt because of a break up or "lost love":

It may not seem like it now, but all the pain you're experiencing now, is well worth it. There is someone out there that is better for you and that someone will give you everything that you deserve. As long as you give yourself a chance to be open to love again it will find its way to you. But you have to be willing to give yourself that chance because you deserve it. By keeping yourself in a rut of hurt and pain, by dwelling on the past, you're doing yourself a great diservice and putting yourself at a disadvantage. If you keep the hurt of the past inside, you can't open up to the love that's waiting for you on the outside.

Then and Now.

Going through what I had to go through, all the lies, the cheaters, and the deceivers, it was well worth it. It made me strong enough to be ready for a real relationship. I learned valuable lessons from every single relationship I was in and have applied those lessons to this one and that's why I think everything is going so well, even from 2000 miles away.

My Dear,

You've made me forget what I even cried about in the past; what I was so hurt about in the past. You've changed me in more ways than one and all of it was for the better. All my prayers were answered when I met you and as corny as this sounds, I can't imagine my life without you.

I know I'm not like every girl out there. I seem to have more"¦ quirks. if you will, than most others. I'm stubborn and I spit fire at whoever I want too. i'm rude at times and very blunt and vulgar. I eat like a man and scratch my tummy like a snorlax. I can't stand stupid people and make fun of them all the time. I'm surprised you ever picked me in the first place, but I'm so glad you did because I'm always trying my hardest to be nothing but the best for you.

It's almost been one whole year since I met you. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me, from staying up with me to help me with a paper to making me smile when I'm crying so hard. I know that there are times we both want to be there with each other, especially those moments when life is the most difficult thing to deal with, but even from so far away, I know you're right here beside me.

I love you more than words could ever begin to explain. I can't wait to see you sweetheart.

Kris Mark: One Year Later →

Kris Mark:

I've taken part in a pretty wide spectrum of romantic relationships with women. To say I regretted any one of them would be a lie—despite the numerous things that have occurred in my past that could be deemed morally unacceptable.

No, I didn't kill anyone. But I did manage to metaphorically bust a few hearts open. I was once (and only once) the cheater, the cheated on, the victim of denial, the perpetrator of lies, the lied to. I've had my fair share of situations that reinforce every cliché involving karma.

Girls have given me trouble. If anyone has ever gotten the notion that I was just always a ladies' man"¦I don't blame you.

No, don't gag. I'm totally kidding.

Actually, for as long as I've been interested in the womenfolk, I've been the long-term relationship kind of guy. Try that mentality out in middle school and early college—1% of girls are gaga over it. Not to mention, I was the dorky "nice" guy with zero game. I was no stranger to the we-should-just-be-friends stamp, or the why-doesn't-she-like-me-because-I'm-clearly-better-for-her-than-that-douche affliction. I even flipped that around at one point, trying my hand at being the jerk. I gave them trouble too. At first intentionally, then unintentionally. But as most movies involving fickle behavior as a motive of revenge would tell you: being someone other than yourself has its repercussions. I eventually lost sight of why I wanted a relationship. I wanted to find out what love really was. (Insert Foreigner's epic hook here.)

I temporarily gave into the idea of the entire idea of romance being a "game" or just a filler to a void, such that I fell from my high road of being patient for the perfect girl, while working to make myself the perfect guy for her in the meantime.

When I remembered what I wanted, that's when I found her. The girl who quite literally haunted my dreams for an incredibly long time.

I wasn't the charming, reformed suave machine with a clean slate that I had hoped to be once I met her. I didn't think I deserved a chance with a girl like her, but there it was. All I had to do was make sure there was nothing I would regret before I spoke to her. So, I did the most counterproductive, yet most effective thing anyone could ever do when meeting someone they could potentially fall in love with. I was myself.

Not the guy who wanted to fill a void. Not the guy who tried too hard. Just a guy with an incredible curiosity towards a great personality, smitten by the single most gorgeous smile he's ever seen.

Then it hit me—everything I've ever learned, every heart-wrenching situation a girl has caused, or that I've caused myself—all taught me to just remember the purity of why it all happened in the first place. Keep it simple, learn, and be patient. Everyone has their chance.

And honestly, I want every single guy out there to feel like how I feel for her.

Thank you, everyone!!

Thank you, everyone, for all the birthday wishes! I feel so young turning 21 again for the 7th straight year! My phone would NOT stop buzzing all day cuz of all the @replies, facebook notifications, tumblr posts and text messages...birthdays like yesterday remind me how blessed I am.

  • _melistar
  • 9natran
  • adrian
  • adrieee
  • ajiiizzzle
  • akachrisTOPS
  • akbdc
  • alexjohn
  • aline-m
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  • ari
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  • ashish patel
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  • babytoes81
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  • dad
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  • Kuya
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  • vobot
  • whattheda
  • xxflipxpryd3xx
  • youlikepoo
  • zeephunk

Hopefully I got everyone in here that gave me a shoutout (over 240!?!). Love you all! <33


How I Spent My Year 2009

I don't expect you guys to read all of this...but I hope you take the time to answer this survey yourselves just to reflect on the past year. If you do this, answer truthfully and with meaningful answers that you can look back on several years from now; it's amazing to look back on how you've grown.

This is my 7th straight year of doing this, and it's an absolute TRIP looking back and my old posts. Anyways, here it is.

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Thoughts on FAP'09

So this is how it feels. The greatest feeling of accomplishment in my life. I've never done ANYTHING like this before...but after months of driving to San Diego, TokBox meetings, promoting, hair-pulling hair-receding stress...everything fell into place.

And it was EPIC.

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This is what I've been working my ass off for:

Big props to Scott Yoshimoto and MOVeMEDIA Productions for this amazing vid!!

Featured Acoustic Playlist '09 *Official Promo Video*

This is what I've been working my ass off for:

Big props to Scott Yoshimoto and MOVeMEDIA Productions for this amazing vid!!